


Itachi's Getting Married

by TheSlytherinSal



Category: Naruto
Genre: KisaIta - Freeform, KisaIta Week, M/M, NaruSasu - Freeform, NaruSasu Day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28518354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSlytherinSal/pseuds/TheSlytherinSal
Summary: Itachi's getting married. Sasuke's not happy about it! Not one bit. (NaruSasu & KisaIta)
Relationships: Hoshigaki Kisame & Uchiha Itachi, Hoshigaki Kisame/Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	1. “I’m getting married, Sasuke.”

**Author's Note:**

> These chapters will be short and mostly just fun cute stuff. I really just wanted to do something cute simple and short.

“I’m getting married, Sasuke.” When Itachi invited Sasuke out to brunch, he expected his brother wanted to spend some quality time brother to brother. Every so often they’d just spend the day together, and while Sasuke wouldn’t admit it, he cherished those moments. It was like he was six again and his whole world was his big brother. He’d pick him up, piggy back style, and they’d run through the woods behind their home. Those were the good ‘ol days. Sasuke thought maybe they’d make more of those memories, but instead he was bombarded with bombs. 

“What do you mean?” Sasuke looked at his brother like he’d lost his mind. What did he mean he was getting married? Why was he getting married? Marry Kisame... _Date, sure, yeah, that’s fine, but marriage. Why?_

“I’m getting married, Sasuke.” He showed Sasuke a ring on his finger, it was a nice ring obviously real gold with mediocre diamonds. If you asked Sasuke, Itachi deserved a huge ring but if Itachi didn’t know his worth, Sasuke couldn’t make him see the light. 

“That’s the ring?” 

“Yes.” Now it all made sense. His chatty nature, the slight twinkle in his eye, the way his eyes averted from Sasuke frequently during this brunch. _And he hadn't put that ring on until now. I would've noticed something like that._ He was sitting on a secret this entire time, and Sasuke was none the wiser till now. 

“Why would you want to do that?” That was all Sasuke could muster out. Wasn’t his brother’s life fulfilling enough. He had Sasuke living with him and he had Kisame on the side when he felt frisky. That was enough for everyone. Where would Sasuke go now that Itachi wanted to up and marry a man obsessed with the aquarium. 

“Because it’ll make me happy, little brother.” Itachi smiled. _He’s smiling?_ What was wrong with him? There was no reason he should be smiling. Kisame wasn’t that attractive, well to Sasuke anyway. He did have cohorts of men and women seeking his affection it seemed. Something about a man with sharp teeth, ebony skin, charisma and a lust for the ocean attracted many idiots. Sasuke was not one of them, and his brother _definitely_ wasn’t either. _What is he thinking?_

“Happy.” The words barely made their way through Sasuke’s teeth. “Happy? What do you mean you’ll be happy.” 

“Kisame makes me happy.” 

“What about me? Don’t I make you happy?” 

“Yes, but Kisame makes me a different kind of happy.” He was sincere. 

“A different kind of happy.” Sasuke groaned. “Look at you, you’re talking crazy, and I don’t think he’s worthy of your time.” 

“I thought you liked Kisame.” 

“No. I do like Kisame, as your boyfriend.” Sasuke shrugged. “I thought that was all this was. I thought that he was your boyfriend and that was-” 

“Sasuke.” Itachi reached his hand out to him. “Don’t worry. I’ll still-” He gave Sasuke the whole “I’ll still be your big brother no matter what” speech, and that just pissed Sasuke off more. So much so that he zoned his brother out. There was nothing to be gained from marrying Kisame. Sasuke was sure Itachi made more than him. Kisame worked as a dolphin trainer at the local aquarium. His parents surely were turning over in their graves. 

He could hear his poor mother now, “Fine, you’re gay, but to marry someone so _common_.”

“I’ll always be here for you. I love you always no matter what.” Itachi finished his speech and Sasuke snapped back to the present. “I didn’t think you’d take this well.” 

“Is that why you buttered me up? Tried to get me drunk on mimosa before you tell me you’re marrying a man who swims with dolphins for a living.” 

“It’s a great time. You went.” 

“Yeah, because it was free and Naruto wanted to go.” Naruto was Sasuke’s best friend, and he was always eager to do anything that got him out of the house. 

“Naruto is so sweet.” Itachi always had a soft spot for the young blond. He always played peacemaker when Sasuke and Naruto got into fights.

“Forget about Naruto. Where am I going to live, Itachi?” 

“What do you mean?” Itachi looked at him confused. “You can stay with me until you’re ready to move out. I wouldn’t kick you out in the middle of your college career.” 

“So are you moving to Kisame’s?” _Because I’m sure Itachi wouldn’t-_

“No. Not at all. He’ll be moving in with us.” 

“What?” Sasuke’s heart was breaking. He bit his bottom lip, obviously trying to find some way to release his frustration with the whole thing. What gave Itachi the right to turn his entire life upside down?

“Yes.” Itachi said. “Kisame will be moving in with us when his lease is up next month. We both think it will be great for us to take the next step in our relationship. He’s over all the time anyways.” 

“Yeah, but I thought...I thought that ummm…” Sasuke groaned. It was so out of character for him to be this flabbergasted, but he was in literal shock. “You can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Itachi took a sip from his mimosa. “I spoke to the landlord and he approved.” 

“Well I don’t.”

“Sasuke. You’ll come around. I know it.” Itachi said. “You’ve always liked Kisame.” 

“ _Like_ is a strong word.” Sasuke wouldn’t say he liked Kisame, more than he put up with the giant man because Itachi was happy. Still that didn’t mean they needed to get married. 

“Sasuke.” 

“Itachi.” 

Itachi chuckled. “You’re cute when you’re upset. It’s like you’re six all over again.” 

“Hn.”


	2. “No. I don’t want a foot rub, buffoon.”

“Married, that's awesome!” Naruto said. 

Sasuke instantly regretted telling the other man. Obviously he didn’t have the wherewithal to know this was not an occasion for celebration. Kisame, the shark man, was taking his brother away from _him. Well not me in particular, but from his life. His potential. Why do things have to change?_

“I definitely ship this Sasuke.” Naruto sat back on his couch. He lived with four other roommates, thank god the new one Neji had some sense. He turned his bachelor bad into a place where Sasuke would actually come and sit in the living room. No more loud obnoxious parties and naked women dancing around shamelessly. 

“You don’t seem too excited about it. Are you okay?” Naruto asked his friend. Naruto was always concerned about everything. 

“No. I’m not okay, idiot.” Sasuke decided to spell it out for him. “Why would I be happy about my brother falling for someone like that?” 

“Like what?” Naruto looked confused. “I think Kisame’s awesome and he’s great at Gears of War.” 

“That’s the problem right there.” Sasuke sighed. “He’s way too common.” 

“Common?” 

“I mean he’s like your run of the mill jock idiot. You could find them anywhere.” Sasuke said. “I have my own right here.” 

“Yeah.” Naruto said. “Hey. Wait a minute.” 

“He’s just not good for Itachi. Maybe a fling. I get it. My brother wants to fuck a guy who does crossfit, but Kisame. Kisame Hoshigaki. Itachi Hoshigaki. Itachi Uchiha. Kisame Uchiha. That doesn’t make sense to me.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a little-”

“A little what doofus?” Sasuke snapped. 

“You want a foot rub?” 

“No. I don’t want a foot rub, buffoon.” Sasuke would usually enjoy one of Naruto’s signature “bro rubs.” Although it was weird he never gave any of his other friends “bro rubs,” only Sasuke. 

“But it calms you.” Naruto tried to entice Sasuke, but it wasn’t working. The Uchia was too in shock to worry about Naruto’s idiotic ramblings. “I’ve learned how to crack the big toe.” 

“Naruto.” Sasuke didn’t need to say “Shut up.” Naruto knew from the way the raven said his name that he should stop talking and let the man think. Sasuke came over here to think and vent after all. He couldn’t think at home because Kisame’s funk lingered. Even though the man hadn’t moved in yet, Sasuke could feel his energy just existing in his home. It was exhausting. 

_What should I do?_ Sasuke could honestly just accept that Itachi was happy. He was happier than he’d ever been and that should be enough for his little brother. But Sasuke wanted Itachi to know that there was more out there than jogging-pants-to-a-restaurant Kisame. 

So maybe he should set his brother up with another lover or...or…

“Sasuke, bro, I think you’re thinking way too much into this.” Naruto said. “Honestly you just need to let me rub your feet. It'll clear your mind, and we hold so much tension in our toe joints I read in an article from the mayo clinic online.” 

“You don’t read online articles.” Sasuke growled. “You collect all your news from YouTube influencers.” 

“Saussy.” 

“Don't call me that.” 

“Friend.” 

“Not right now.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because you don’t agree with me about Itachi.” 

“What? That Kisame isn’t good enough for your brother?” Naruto pondered on the idea, but Sasuke could tell he wasn’t thinking. The blond really couldn’t muster up a single intelligent thought ever. Sasuke wondered how the blond ever thought he was going to be a great teacher. “I think he actually might compliment him.” 

“What?”

“Like Itachi’s super quiet and to himself, Kisame's charismatic and can carry the conversation. Also Kisame’s like super caring, and you can tell he loves him some Itachi.” Naruto smiled. “And Itachi returns the care. Making sure Kisame washes his clothes so he’ll have something to wear to work, and you remember when Itachi was sick last winter with the flu. Kisame was over there everyday, even though he could’ve caught it.” There was some truth to the blond’s words. Kisame was over there religiously bringing honey mint tea and sweets to the Uciha. Itachi always looked so pleased to be cared for like that. Sasuke did that for him for years, but he never got that look. _Disgusting._

“Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.” Sasuke rolled his eyes. “But that’s not what marriages are built on.” 

“Then what are marriages built on?” 

“Opportunity, mutual elevation.” If Sasuke were to marry someone he’d marry them because they could offer something. They could bring a perspective to the table. Bringing free swims with old aquarium dolphins should not be the highlight offering from a husband. 

“He makes a decent amount of money.” Naruto said. “And he just got promoted to head trainer.” 

“Itachi makes six figures.” 

“Love isn’t always about money.” 

“Wake up idiot. No one married for love since the beginning of time. Marriages have long been business arrangements, and someone like Kisame isn’t fit for marriage. I’m telling you.” 

“Are you jealous?”

Jealous? Sasuke Uchiha, jealous? Of who? Of what? Sasuke never in his life felt _envy._ The thought never crossed his mind because he was always the best. Even now, he was at the top of his class. There was no reason for him to be jealous of anyone. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” 

Sasuke was glaring daggers into Naruto’s soul, his eyes held a tint of red as Uchiha eyes do when they are angered. “Because you’re a cretin. Why would I be jealous of Kisame?” 

“Because maybe you don’t want him to take your brother away from you.” 

“No. That’s not it, numskull.” Sasuke wanted Naruto to get it through his small, pea sized brain Kisame was not good for Itachi. Itachi was too good for Kisame. It was simple. Learn it, live it, and if he could, breathe it. 

“Okay so you’re not happy about this, I get it, but what are you going to do about it?” 

Sasuke really didn't have an answer. He could pout. He was known to pout when he was younger and it always got him what he wanted. But this wasn’t an extra hour of TV time or a new cool toy. This was Itachi’s life.

“You can’t just convince someone who is super happy to give up all their happiness.” Naruto said. “I mean what are you going to do to ruin his wedding?”

When Naruto said those words, Sasuke's eyes bulged. _Yes that was it. That was what he could do. He could show Itachi how awful Kisame was and then he would have a choice but to dump the shark man._

“Maybe I will.” Sasuke smiled, slyly.

“You’ll ruin your brother’s wedding?” 

“Yeah, and you’re going to help me.”

“I will do no such thing.” Naruto was one of those sentimental people, and Sasuke sorta liked that about him. _Liked?_ That was a strong word. He _appreciated...no. He valued...no. Admirable? Hell no!_ Naruto cared about people and Sasuke thought that quality worked well for him. 

“Yes you will because I’m your best friend.” Sasuke said. “And remember it was you that said all for one and one for all.” 

“But...But…” Naruto would never let Sasuke do this alone. Sasuke had a power over Naruto, and Sasuke knew it. Sometimes he abused it, but the blond never did anything he didn't want to do. “Fine. I’ll help you, but you owe me.” 

“Yeah. Yeah.” Sasuke smirked. 


	3. “You know lasagna is my favorite.”

The last two days had been hectic for the young Uchiha. He spent most hours locked away in his room deep in studies, and some trying to help Naruto with his homework for math class. The blonde couldn’t understand basic equations, yet he longed to be a teacher.  _ Just because you have a great personality and a nice smile doesn’t give you the right to influence young children.  _

He’d just finished an online test for his business class, when he decided to walk to the kitchen and eat some lasagna. Itachi made some yesterday, one of Sasuke’s favorite dishes his brother cooked. 

When he walked out to the kitchen, which was down the hall from his room, he was greeted by a smiling sharp teeth man in a pair of short gym shorts and a tank top munching away on  _ Sasuke’s lasagna. Deplorable.  _

“What is this?” Sasuke asked his brother. 

“Nice to see you too Sasuke.” Kisame chuckled. Sasuke wondered if the man could tell that he  _ despised _ ...no. Not quite that word.  _ Hated... _ Too much. Sauske wondered if the man could tell was displeased with his presence.  _ There we go.  _

“Hn.” Sasuke groaned as he made his way over to the fridge. 

“Getting some of that lasagna?” Kisame said. No doubt Itachi told him that “My little brother isn’t taking the news very well. Be patient with him.” And that Kisame was. He was very patient. That was one of his only good qualities. 

“Hn.” Sasuke was looking for the pan, but he couldn't find it. “Where is it?” 

“Kisame ate all of it.” Itachi had a smile on his face as if he was pleased. He’d probably post it on snapchat, if the older Uchiha was savvy enough to have one, with one of those annoying captions “Bae ate all my good home cooking.”  _ Sick.  _

“You know lasagna is my favorite.” Sasuke growled, letting the fridge slam shaking the cereal boxes and glass containers on top. “I was looking forward to the leftovers.” 

“I’ll make you more.” Itachi turned to Kisame with a slight smile or blush Sasuke couldn’t really tell. Maybe he thought his brother was blushing because all he saw was red. RED EVERYWHERE. AND KISAME’S CORPSE WITH A KNIFE IN HIS THICK NECK. “Kisame just got carried away.” 

“Carried away?” Sasuke repeated the words to himself. Everyone was getting carried away. Itachi was getting carried away by marrying someone like Kisame. He came in and showed very little decency. It’s common knowledge that one doesn’t go to another’s home and eat the entire platter. They eat a satisfactory amount, which Sasuke knew two squares would be satisfactory, not half a pan. 

“I’m sorry.” Kisame smiled. Sasuke hated that the shark actually had a nice smile. It was very impressive. His teeth were very white, not a spec of plaque anywhere. 

“It’s fine. Everything is fine.” Sasuke was talking more to himself than to anyone else. “I’ll just go eat something somewhere else. I’m sure Naruto will be open to going somewhere and grabbing a bite.” 

“Nice. Are you into jerk chicken? I know this great place.” Kisame said. 

“Actually, I want italian.” 

“Oh…” Kisame said. “Well I know this great little spot on the east-” 

“I knew this great spot called my kitchen. And my brother made  _ me  _ lasagna.”  _ Me as in Sasuke. Not you Kisame.  _

“I’m sorry.” 

“No need to apologize.” Sasuke went into his room and grabbed his keys, and headed out the door. “What’s done is done.” He mumbled, but made sure Itachi and Kisame heard him. 

_ Itachi you can do better.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you thought! Reviews and comments appreciated


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